||[Feb. 6th, 2005|08:17 pm]
My birthday is in 3 days, there really is nothing I want, other than that one thing I can't have.|
Everyone can yell at me and say "he's a jerk" or "you deserve better" but you really aren't a jerk, quite simply the only flaw in you is not even really a flaw, it's just simply the fact that you don't like me which could be because you are 14 .. turning 15 in a few months, while i'm just 12 turning 13 in 3 days.. and no matter how much that shouldn't matter,
it still does.
Because when everyone asks me "ohh what do you want for your birthday?" i'll say "oh that one new cd" or "that cute sweater" or "Dance Dance Revolution of course" but what I really want is you. Whenever I watch movies I think "why can't that happen to me".. I just lay awake on my floor counting the specks on my ceiling feeling the emptiness next to me..i trace my fingers along the rug. imagining you next to me. I so badly want you there next to me, just feeling your hand in mine and the room filled with sound of our slow heavy breathes and just thoughts spilling out of our mouths.
but not thinking.
when we couldn't think of anything else to say it would still never be awkward, we'd just listen to the ticking of the clock, and the little noises you never hear unless it's "silent".. when you learn there is no such thing as pure silence. I'd count teh seconds between your steady heartbeat, then the milliseconds between the energizer bunny thumping in my chest..
it keeps going..
and i just cross my fingers and hope that our moment would keep going.. and going..and going. I know it will though, because there is something about the clashing scent of cologne and perfume, the cotrasting calm deep breaths, and the nervous gasps cut short by my shivering.. even though my nerves were acting as if an axe murderer was on my trail everything would seem perfect and calm
with you there it would feel like a perfect forever..
which i want so badly because when i'm all alone..